I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
