If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
