I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
