Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
