if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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