So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
