I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
