friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
