I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
