The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
