bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
