found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
whose ass print is on the piano?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
