he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
