Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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