This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
