Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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