she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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