I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
