What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
