So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
