so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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