I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
