The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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