she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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