my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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