so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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