please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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