pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
