I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
