Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was confusing and full of hummus
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
