Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking centered right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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