Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
