yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
