WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
