Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
