Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
