so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
