Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
