who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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