smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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