Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
