apparently the secret to your success is patron
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
