I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
