i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
