I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
