i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
