I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
