I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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