Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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