I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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