Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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