She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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