Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
