I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
