Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
